just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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