This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
