I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
