I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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