break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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