yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
