I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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