I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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