walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
