i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
