So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
