YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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