I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
