I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
