she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
