Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
