Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
