i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
