We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
