At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
