There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
