I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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