I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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