GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
