We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
