ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
