maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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