just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
