i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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