so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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