I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
