He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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