I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
