Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
