I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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