You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
