I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
