i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
