Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
