whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
