Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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