You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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