Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
