btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
