i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
