1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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