you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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