btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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