I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
smell my finger.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
