If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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