I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
