i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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