yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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