Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
