Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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