Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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