I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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