It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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