I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
