So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
