i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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