The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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