Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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