Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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