Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
