this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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